Love and suicides, an article by yandamoori veerendranath,

Love and suicides

I was invited to a college at Warangal to address the emotionally shaken girl students. They were traumatised because within a gap of fifteen days two girls died; one in their hostel premises and the other at the hospital.

The first girl committed suicide in their hostel premises when her lover declined marriage. In the second case the girl rejected to continue the friendship with a guy who attacked her with acid.

My speech on ‘premarital love at student-age’ was accepted in general, except by some girls who are already in love. Here is the essence of it.

Love and infatuation:

“I want to address this problem only from a girl’s point of view and please believe me that I came here not to advocate arranged marriages.” The girls smiled.

Diluting their seriousness, I continued “Let us start with an example. If your younger sister studying eighth class says that she is in love with a tenth class boy, how do you react? Now you think. How many years you are older to her? What is the correct age to fall in love according to you?” I paused.

“You are loved by a guy not because you have some special qualities but just because you reciprocate him. If you say no, he goes to another girl. There are many reasons why a girl reciprocates. Mainly the mistake lies with busily engaged parents. With lack of love, frequent quarrels and admonishments a girl feels to quit the house at the earliest. A small word of solace by an outsider is enough to fall for him. With good parental love, no sane girl falls in love while studying.” I continued.

“In some other cases, the internet and media induce you. Take any movie. Only the heroine has a boyfriend and not her friends. When the boy proposes it satisfies your ego. Like a heroine you should first say ‘No” and after much pleading, say ‘Yes’. I am not taking about all of you, but for a few who suffer from identity crisis”.   As some girls nodded in acceptance, I continued.

“In love you conceal your weakness such as laziness etc and show the best part of your face. Body chemistry plays a vital role leading to infatuation. But no girl accepts it. Her counter-question would be, “How do you know that mine is not love?” Yes.  It is difficult to define love. But that is not our subject here”

 

 

 “It sounds bitter, but for some students ‘love’ is a thrilling time-pass during college days. For most others it is for marriage. In either case, if a girl is in love, unless she is a master in nirvana-yoga, she will not be able to compartmentalise between her ‘studies’ and ‘thoughts of love’. If I advise that you have lot of time for love, some of you may not agree, arguing that love is not pre-planned but suddenly happens. I agree. But don’t you agree with me that your education is more pre-planned? Many of us are from middle class families and our aim is to study and settle well to help our parents first. Isn’t it?” taking them into confidence, I continued.

 “Why a girl does not take her lover home and introduce to elders, or vice-versa?  Reason is simple. You want to wait till you have wings so that you they can fly if elders oppose your marriage. But who is to lose at the end when a boy rejects you due to reasons like denial by his parents, having lost enthusiasm in you or for dowry etc? You know that girls are more sentimental and feel hurt deeply than men. What would you do then?” I questioned.

“My next point is... If your boy friend could cheat his parents who fed him for more than two decades, are you confident that at a later stage he does not do the same with you for a better attraction? I am not against love marriages but my intention is to enlighten you about puppy-love”

Selecting the best:

“Answer my last question. Do you give advance to a car that you want to purchase after four years? No. why? You know that you may get a better model by then. Or... may be you are confident that your financial worth may improve by that time so that you may opt for a luxury car than a small one” he grinned. “For purchasing a vehicle if you can wait for years, why are you in a hurry to select a boy without knowing his future? Who knows, you may get a better model when you go for IAS or post graduation.” There were instantaneous claps in the auditorium. The girls were smiling. The purpose was served.)

STRESS

Two things remain solid in success, your determination to reach the goal and willpower to avoid other attractions. You can’t reach your destination in-time by lingering at the seemingly attractive wayside advertisements.
“Ishti” means the sacred ritual called yagam/yajnam. “Ishta” means desire. Platform for this sacred ceremony is our body. To make the flames stronger and more powerful, we should throw our unwanted desires as firewood into the Homam and burn them.
I mentioned in one of my works: “I don’t know the formula for success, but certainly know for failure: it is the incapacity to prioritise between our nonnegotiable core-values and other fluid priorities”. Studies, exercises, games, spending time with parents etc belong to first category; chatting with friends, watching TV etc fit into the second. Introspect how much time you are allocating between these two groups.
Positive stress:

“Stress is not due to work-load. Even with tons of work if you are never mentally-ill, have time for the people whom you love, laugh merrily, arrows bouncing of you and content with all your decisions, then you can stop reading this book any further” writes Elisabeth Wilson in her preface of the book: “Stress proof your life - 52 brilliant ideas for taking control”.

Three important questions play vital role: A) How I want to live? B) How am I living? C) What am I doing to shift from B to A?
Do you often iron your clothes at midnight having no time during the day? Is your long-time desire to have a relaxed lunch not fulfilled yet? Are you getting so frequently exhausted that you have no time for your own interests? Do you say ‘yes’ to others when your inner voice says ‘no’?
If your answers are affirmative, you require a ‘shift’. But there are many constraints that make the shift difficult, e.g. Inability to give up habits (like laziness and gambling), feeling delicate to break relationships (helplessness to demand a close relative not to interfere in personal matters), Fear of future (it has taken fifteen years for me to leave my job at a bank to become a professional writer) etc.

A bad student feels guilty for his life-style; however much might he show off outwardly. Real thrill lies in the satisfaction that you are going in a correct path. Life is not measured with the quantity of breaths you take, but with the quantity of moments that take your breath away.